Ask a Nerdfighter

Anonymous asked: I have been going out with this girl for a while, and I really like her, but I don't know how to move it from ~just kissing~ to something... more? We're both 17 (it's legal in this country), very awkward, and I've got a lot of body image issues, so I'm pretty sure she's not going to make the first move.

I would say… just talk to her! If you want to do something more than just kissing, but you’re feeling awkward about actually making any moves, then sit her down and tell her that you want to, but you feel awkward about it, and see what she thinks. I mean, after a certain point, if you want something to happen and you’re sure she’s not going to do it, you’ve got to take the matter into your own hands, even if it’s scary to do that. It’s best to talk it out first instead of doing something that might make her or you feel uncomfortable so that you can make sure that you’re both on the same page, even if it seems clear already. 

Best wishes, and remember- “Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to do, or something you’re afraid to say. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters.” 

fishingboatproceeds:

effyeahnerdfighters:

technewb submitted:

I put all 1000+ videos from beginning of the vlogbrothers to present in playlist format to make it easier to watch.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Helpful thing is helpful!

Anonymous asked: I always feel terrible if I see a kid getting isolated from the rest of a class or a club, because that used to be me, so I usually try to be nice and talk to them. But normally I just don't like them: they'll loudly talk on and on about a subject I dislike, they'll touch me and stand too close, making me uncomfortable, etc. It feels like such a unnatural connection for me but I feel bad pushing away people who are already sorta ostracized. But I can't force myself to like people, what do I do?

I understand what you’re describing here.  You’re right, you can’t force yourself to like people.  You don’t have to spend all your time with a person you don’t necessarily like, but by simply saying hello and asking how they are when you see them, you’re doing a lot.  You can try seeing if you have common interests and steer the conversation toward those things, and maybe introduce them to your friends.  Just small things like this can speak volumes.  And always stick up for the people being mocked, because everyone deserves to be defended.

Anonymous asked: (Part 3) won't understand and I'm not super close to my parents (explaining this all to them is just not something I can do right now. we aren’t an emotional family at all.) I have trust issues in general and hate opening up to people, but I know I need to stop using escapism like this. It’s just terrifying because I don't want to stop liking vlogbrothers or tumblr etc, I don't want *everything* to go away. I don't know what to do and I don't want to get others involved but I can't do it alone.

First I want you to know that I completely understand what you are going through.  I mean everything you said struck a cord.

You should set some goals for yourself and set your mind to seeing them through to the finish.  Are you in high school?  You could try looking at colleges and planning potential futures, and get excited about them.  That way you’ll have motivation to work toward something.  If you’re in college, do the same thing with internships or careers.  Knowing you have something to look forward to, and working toward that end can make things feel a lot better.

As for feeling awkward in social situations, I know this feeling, where you over analyze everything you say and question yourself.  Just know that if you’re with the right kind of people, you won’t have to worry about these things.  Most people do the same thing and won’t even remember the things that you thought were the most embarrassing. 

Just know that you are just as cool as the people who you admire, and people will be drawn to you.  Confidence attracts people.  And don’t worry that people will think you’re weird, we’re all weird!  It sometimes takes longer to find people who can recognize and understand that weirdness, and those are the people to be around.  I don’t have many friends where I go to school, but I do have a few good friends who I think are really cool and interesting.  You don’t have to be crazy popular to be happy.

You don’t have to stop liking the things you like, such as vlogbrothers or tumblr, because you shouldn’t deny yourself things that make you happy.  But maybe you can challenge yourself to cut back your use of the Internet, try an hour or two limit a day and see how you feel.  You could replace the Internet use with something else you are passionate about, like drawing or writing or making Vlogs on YouTube. There are also several clubs and organizations you can join online, such as the Harry Potter Alliance, which is chock full of Nerdfighters, and also have tons of groups in almost every state.  You could join book clubs, or do anything based in your interest groups.

As long as you are happy doing what you’re doing, you shouldn’t see it as wrong.  Life is how you spend time, so spend it the way you want.

And as for someone to talk to, does your school have a counseling office?  It may seem scary to open up to a person you don’t know, but they know good methods to help you manage your anxiety.

And honestly, come back here and talk any time you feel like you need to open up.  I have been in the same boat several times, so I’ll always be here to talk.

Anonymous asked: (Part 2) spending time with my old group of friends anymore. (But I think this might just be because we’re growing apart.) However this is also an issue, because I don’t have a lot of other friends and while there are a couple people who I think are really cool and want to talk to but even time I do or when someone talks to me I end up making an idiot out of myself and I'm just terrified of talking to new people. I don't know what to do or who to turn to about any of this because my friends

Anonymous asked: (Part 1) So I guess lately I've been coming to terms with the fact that I probably have some of an anxiety disorder and have been using the internet to escape it. It's getting really bad, it's interfering with my life, I neglect homework and extra-curriculars and I just want to spend all my free time by myself reading or online. I also start to panic if I go a whole day without being online for more than an hour. I've also been spending a lot of time alone at school cuz I feel as if I don't like

Anonymous asked: So, tomorrow is Esther Day. And I thought it would be a great opportunity to tell my best friend how I really feel about him (Note: He isn't a nerdfighter, therefore he doesn't understand the significance of Esther Day) I'm just afraid if I do, I will loose his friendship or scare him away for good. I also don't think I'll have a chance to get him anywhere alone. I don't mind if he doesn't like be back or whatever, I just don't want to loose my best friend. Please help

Maybe when you tell him how you feel, you can also tell him what you told me- how you’re alright with him not feeling the same way as long as you don’t lose him as a friend, and how important his friendship is to you. You could also explain about Esther Day, if you feel like that would help him to understand where you’re coming from.

If you don’t feel comfortable saying these things to him in front of other people, then maybe you could text him, call him, or talk to him online! That would probably also make it easier for you to say all of the things that you want to say instead of having him or the people around him cut you off part way through.

And as John Green would say, “Use your words!”

Best wishes, and good luck. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do!