Ask a Nerdfighter

Anonymous asked: You don't have to respond to this, I'm sure I'll be fine. But the most imprtant person in my life has told me she is cutting, and has notes, and if anything happens to her I am going to commit. I can't bare the thought of this world without her. I have cried about it everyday since she told me, and I don't know what to do her parents wont help and she can't do anything and I am so scared for both of us. I have started cutting again and I can't help if Im dead but I cant die after her, i justcant

I personally think that it’s really important not to minimize your own suffering- just because you will be fine doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt now. It hurts because it matters, and it hurts because you matter, and thusly even though it’s true that you will be fine- I believe that you can get through this- you are perfectly deserving of help and attention and anything that we here at askanerdfighter can do for you. 

I’m so sorry that you’re in this position, and I’m so sorry that your friend is in this place. I hope that she realizes just how much you care about her and how important she is to you, and I hope that she finds the strength and the ability to keep living side by side with you.

Even if her parents aren’t supportive, there are still things that you can do and things that she can do- there are other people in your lives who can help with things like this, like school counselors, teachers, coaches, etc. Find someone who you trust and confide what you’ve confided to me, or as much of it as you can, so that you can get her the help that she needs. You don’t have to go through this alone, and neither does she. 

I can’t tell you that everything’s going to be okay. I can’t tell you that your friend won’t take her own life- I don’t know her or what’s leading her to this place and I don’t know what’s going on- but I can tell you that you have the opportunity to help her, now. And you need to help yourself, too. Being scared is okay, but it’s not going to help you or her. Do the things that you need to do to keep yourself calm and able to do what you need to- and then use that strength that you have to help your friend do the same thing. 

You can’t control her actions or her thoughts, but you can control your own responses to them and to her. You can’t make her not be suicidal, and it’s important not to beat yourself up over her pain. Do what you can for her but try to keep yourself safe, too, and never forget that we are always here if there’s anything we can do to help you in any way.

I wish the best of luck to you and to your friend. 

Anonymous asked: Almost 2 years ago, I had a good friend. Let's call her 'Missy'. Missy and I were inseparable, and while neither of us were perfect friends to the other, we made it work. Then she met a girl who I know loath, since the girl had changed her from fun and confident, to needy and attention-seeking. I left our little group almost immediately. It's been a year, and I still have so much anger and hatred for the both of them. I can't stand it. What do I do? How can I stop feeling like this?

It sounds to me like you are a very strong person, and I commend you for that.  It’s really hard for some people to let go of their friends, even if that person is no longer good for them or they no longer want to be around the person.  People drift apart, it’s an unfortunate and (sometimes) painful part of life.

The fact that you are still angry isn’t surprising, maybe it’s because you feel that you didn’t have enough closure or because you resent that she changed so much.  You could try writing letters to both girls and getting all your anger out on paper, and then throw the letters away.  I know it sounds weird, but trust me, it can really help.  It’s a constructive way for you to vent your feelings, and not cause any problems with your old friends.

If you can, distance yourself as much as you can from them, and try to avoid hearing about them.  Putting them out of your mind might seem nearly impossible right now, but if you start focusing more on your own activities, they’ll eventually fade away.

Again I want to say, the fact that you removed yourself from that situation is great.  Focus on the fact that you are now free of negative people, and surround yourself with positive company.  And always, DFTBA!

Anonymous asked: I'm a senior in college and I have "friends" here, but they don't understand me at all. They treat me like I'm a member of a different species. I have a few close friends at home and a close family, so it's not as if I'm utterly alone, but I don't understand why this is happening. I thought I was supposed to get closer with these people as time went on. The more I act like myself, the more they treat me like I'm worthless. I have to compromise who I am to spend any time with anyone when I'm here

I understand how you are feeling, I am in the same exact situation.  I’m also away at college, and have found that it is difficult to be myself among my group of friends.  While it’s nice to know that you have a strong support system back home, it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activities at school, and forget about the outside world.

But honestly, I’ve come to the realization that people who don’t just accept you as you are, good and bad, awkward and awesome, and see that you are a great person, are just not worth the time.  It seems hard, but you’ve gotten so far, and being a senior you have a perfect excuse to drift apart from your “friends” and reestablish, or create new bonds with people on the outside.

From now on, don’t settle for a group of people who make you feel worthless, you are a great person and deserve to feel that way, no matter who your company.  Don’t settle for less.

ariadnesdreams asked: How can I concentrate more on schoolwork? I always get distracted and procrastinate. I'm procrastinating right now!!

Ugh, I know this game, I am the worst at procrastinating.  What works for me is unplugging from the Internet (literally removing my Ethernet cord) and setting up a task list for what I have to do in order to be more organized.  If I have any moment of leeway between assignments, I always end up using it as “break time” which always leads to trouble!

You could also try giving yourself little rewards and scheduling breaks in between assignments (avoiding Tumblr, as it’s a time-suck) and power through your work.  Hope this helps!

Anonymous asked: im ... we can call it a relationship virgin. For the first tme i have a proper relationship, he knows what is like to be in a relationship. But i dont, sometimes he ask's about my ideas when we go out for our date's. But since i really dont know about relationships my mind goes blank and i look really dumb because i dont know what to say. I have been single mostly all my school years. One time he asked me to open up to him, that we should get to know each other much better can i have any advice

Your first relationship can be scary because it’s all new to you.  It sounds like he’s a really nice guy, and as long as he understands that you have never been in a relationship before and respects that, you are golden.  Remember, everyone starts out a relationship virgin.  It sometimes takes people longer to feel comfortable being in a relationship, people grow at different rates.  Don’t feel bad about not knowing what you are doing, we have all been there. 

Perhaps you could talk to him about how you are feeling and tell him so that he really knows how you feel and you don’t feel too pressured. 

Also it’s great that he wants you to open up to him, because you really should get to know each other better, but don’t do it until you are ready and completely comfortable.  You should feel no pressure to do anything you do not want to do in a relationship.  This is extremely important.

If you need any more advice, I’m always here to talk!

Anonymous asked: I'm just generally sad...I can't even pinpoint why.

Well what’s been going on in your life lately?  Maybe you need to change things up and try something new.